if there's any free space or time in my life, its filled with you
your stupid eyes
your dumb honesty
your dumb laugh
your stupid smile
the dumb way you make me feel, just by saying hi
dumb dumb dumb
all of it
and the worst part is that i can't find any word to describe you
not even amazing covers it
you're never gone, not really, not truly

you're like an infectious disease
you creep up on me with those eyes, that hair and omigod your abs
you look so sweet, you smell so sweet, you act so sweet
and you make me feel like this
but i am tantalus, forever watching and reaching for you
and you pull away, ensuring my pain
fuck you.

okay, i actually hated that. what i meant to say was

i was sitting in the dark and only looking at one thing
one year ago i was in a very different place, yet quite exactly the same place
i thought differently, i sat differently
we walked, it was nice
i thought i wasn't alone
i thought maybe things were going to turn out differently
i was deluding myself
looking back on the innocent and naive moron i was, i pity myself
i feel bad for past me and the shit i had to go through, seemingly alone
it sucks

it sort of lingered
a wistful notion, sweet on my tongue
one year gone by, many changes
fairly imperceptible to those who weren't watching
upsetting in concept, but surprisingly fulfilling