"When we can no longer dream, we die" -Emma Goldman

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sometimes I see this...convention. And there are votes taken, and they are all, "How much of a loser is she THIS WEEK??" The tally would add up to- SUPER LOSER
peanut butter xoxo

Thursday, February 26, 2009


I don't get it. Sometimes she's nice and sometimes it all just falls apart. Sometimes she sits next to me, out of everyone in the class she chooses inconsequential, annoying me. And other times she yells at me when I offer her comfort. I might not be her best friend, but I'm always there, no questions asked. All I want is some kind of friendship. I don't want to be completely shut out and ignored because I've been there before and that was a low point, I don't want to go back there. Now that the poison(a.k.a. HER) is gone, I have a chance at a friendship. I wasn't blown off and she actually seems to like me as more than an annoying and inconsequential classmate. I miss the times when we would spend hours together, just talking. Or when we would go to her house after finals and go swimming and laugh together and make waffles and go see Jim Sturgess movies. I can even pinpoint the beginning of the unraveling. That's how much time I've spent thinking about this. We went to Century City and I didn't want to hang out with them because they weren't(and still aren't) my friends. She did. I still beat myself up over not just hanging out with them. I might still be friends with her. I feel sad when I think about our friendship and how we are just acquaintances now, if not just classmates. And then she has the nerve to go and say that we BOTH hurt eachother. REALLY? I did nothing! I got dumped, fair and square. Maybe if I had done something differently or been nicer, or not as clingy we would still be friends. Did you know I cut myself the first time I realized that she wasn't friends with me anymore? I don't anymore, but that's how much it hurt. 
I miss her...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

So...I haven't posted in a while. And I wrote this thingy that I wouldn't exactly call poetry and I wouldn't call it a piece I wrote, like literature. I don't know what category it falls under but I hate labels anyway so here it is:

I realize that you're the one and I know that you don't care. I wonder what to do because no one else feels right. Just you. I see us together and I am happy. Then I wake up. I feel pathetic and sad when you aren't around. The best part of my day is my dreams, because that's when I see you. I hold myself together at night because I fall apart without you. When you left, getting through the day was the hardest thing to do. Breathing was even harder, each breath forced me to live and life without you was pointless.
But I am done now. It took me a long time and it was the most difficult thing I've ever had to. So when I see you I won't fall again because I don't need more scars. I miss you and I'm sad we can't be together but I have moved on. Good bye

That's it...It's kinda emo so stay away from sharp objects when you read it. JKJK that was totally un PC but that's me!
Drama today was fun
Im tired...
I just finished this book called Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead and it was REALLY GOOD. I really wanna get the sequels(there are three with a fourth set to release in August) and read them like a Book-nado(a tornado made out of books! MM reference...)
My new FAVORITE type of gum is Berry Pearadise(lol) by Extra. Only my dad just bought a bunch of packages of the Sweet Watermelon...ewX20
peanut butter xoxo
I just realized that I have the same birthday as Brendan Urie, Claire Danes and Shannen Doherty!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead!

All the while I thought it was everyone else, and I blamed them. I blamed them for being distant and cold. But take her out of the equation and suddenly my relationships are better and I feel included. All the time I was blaming them for the poison, but the poison was her!
I feel so glad now that I understand that, you know?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

So I'm watching the Oscar  red-carpet and I am so happy and excited! The gowns are gorgeous and Rob Pattinson(my future husband who just doesn't know it yet) looks like even MORE of a god than usual! There are alot of fishtail hems like Barbie(Evan Rachel Wood, Beyonce), lots of princess-inspired dresses(Miley Cyrus, Penelope Cruz) and then there's Sarah Jessica Parker, who's twins are just BURSTING and creating a category of their own. Ew. I am SO excited to see Amanda Seyfried perform and I am also beyond thrilled to see my future hubby present. In fact, I'm just excited to see him again, he's SO HOT. *swoon*. 
So I hung out with bean yesterday and we had a great time. We saw Fired UP! It was one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time, no joke. "I could be watching a Project Runway marathon with Nathan Lane under my dress and STILL win a straight award" yeah, it's THAT awesome! 
Well Tim Gunn is reviewing the Red Carpet now so you KNOW it's getting serious. He's interviewing Kate Winslet and I have to say my favorite dresses of hers were her Ben De Lisi one from 2002 and her dress from 1998 (Alexander McQueen) when she was nominated for Titanic. She is so pretty. Did you know that Josh Brolin is married?? That breaks my heart because he is so cute!
SJP is just bursting out of her dress, and ummm...wow. Her hubby is looking adorable as ever. Her dress is pretty and I love the jewels and the belt but the twins, PUT THEM AWAY SWEETIE!
Brad Pitt is looking hot as ever with his lovely lady by his side. They are the cutest couple around! And they look so in love, as always. I mean, finding the person you love while you are already married must be tough. But they have to be so brave to be a couple, openly. Congrats you two lovers!
Anne Hathaway- honey, STOP BEING SO FRIGGIN GORGEOUS!! SAVE SOME PRETTY FOR THE REST OF US! we can't all look like goddesses when we feel like it! Armani, baby, that's the way to go!
I wonder if Valentino knows that orange ISN'T the color you want your skin to be...?
The kids of Slumdog Millionaire are SO CUTE.
Mickey Rourke looks disgusting, as always. I don't know Perez Hilton seems so suprised that he's dressed like that. But his dog passed, so my thoughts go out to him right now.
RDJ looks lurvely as EVER and his wife is gorgeous. I'm bummed that he's married cuz he is SO HOT but they are so cute!
Viola Davis looks gorgeous and her dress is one of the prettiest I've seen so far!
My mother thinks that Miley Cyrus looks like a Christmas Tree, but I applaud her for choosing a dress that is off the beaten path. 
Amy Adams, Diane Lane and Anne Hathaway have these weird baggy things under their eyes. My mom thinks that it's from being skinny, but I'm skinny and I dont got half-moon sausages under MY eyes!
Well it's starting so I am watching it! Talk to you all later!!!!!!!!!!
peanut butter XOXO

Friday, February 20, 2009

so i finished the curious case of benjamin button and it was one of the most beautiful, moving films that i have ever seen. at the end, i cried(which is a rare occasion). and as i lay there, with silent tears rolling down my cheeks at an increasing quantity, i realized that THAT was the love i wanted. Daisy stays with him when he is a 5 yr old with heavy-set dementia, all the while loving him and never questioning her motives for being there. it was just so powerful that they stayed together all that time. and her last words were: come back to me, benjamin. and then she saw the death hummingbird and i cried. it was so sad and powerful yet there remained an underlying(almost subliminal) message of hope, hope for the future, hope that this can happen. and i cried at that. geez, i need to stop crying! but seriously, i will shoot someone if they don't win at least 1275747397848978 academy awards on sunday! 
peanut butter xoxo

my cynicism at it's peak.

So I'm watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (which I originally had no intention of watching) and I find myself liking it a great deal! And I wanna go see Fired Up! Tommorow but BRIT bailed on me! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! But tmrw. morning my dad and I are gonna go to the PGA tour at the Riviera golf club but the guy that said he was gonna drop off the passes hasnt dropped them off yet and I'm getting a weee bittt ticked off...it's a tradition for leapin' lizard's sake!!!
I got a flyer in the mail for Lotus Yogurt Bar in hermosa. It's self-serve. So let me get this straight: Pinkberry is a knock-off of Red Mango- Yogurtland is a knock-off of Pinkberry- and Lotus is a knock-off of Yogurtland. Ah, the consumerism of America! What a country we live in today, eh? I find it amazing that we can have knock-off of a knock-off of a knock-off! Really? Like...REALLY? The inventiveness of the modern world pushes us to always look for the better, the newer, the shinier! We buy the car that has the shiniest paint job, the best new-car smell and the hottest salesman. No wonder our economy's in the crapper, we are all to busy looking through the local PennySaver looking for a new t.v., computer, house and/or baby to go do something about it! So, ladies and gentlemen, here's the lowdown on the new stimulus package(In case you didn't already know!):
-We are spending billions of dollars we don't have to help fix a problem caused by spending billions of dollars that we didn't have. See a pattern? 'Cause I do!
Note to self: Pick-up my socks when I take them off around the house. My mom doesn't like sitting down to watch t.v. and find my socks on the floor at the foot of the chaise(I love that word!...chaise...)
peanut butter xoxo

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I'm watching weeds and I realized that I havent posted in a while....sooo...yeah
1. You must watch weeds
2. you must try Trident's berry paradise gum
3. you must boycott Chris Brown
peanut butter xoxo
perez posted pix of Rihanna and
boycott chris brown!! no question WHATSOEVER!!!!!
he is a monster who beat a woman and threatened her life. Domestic assault is a HUGE problem and it needs to be addressed, immediately. 
know self-defense, and if you are being hit or hurt by anyone close to you, tell someone and get HELP!
peanut butter xoxo


i need a guy. i need love. I need Edward Cullen...yeah. That pretty much sums up my needs! oh, btwwww
yeah, you can be jeeelllllloooooussssssssss
but back to the lurve
I want a guy who will text me randomly just to say, thinking of you. Or that will call me in the middle of the day/night only because he wants to hear my voice. I want a guy who can sit with me and we don't even have to say anything. we can just be, together. and I want a guy who reads Twilight and won't laugh when I go on rants or tirades and who reads poetry and will recite a line as my morning wake-up. I want a guy who will challenge me but also be sweet. i want a guy who will make me the perfect fried egg but also enjoys the joys of eating out. I NEED a guy! ...the perfect guy...
the worst part of all this want is that I found him, but I let him get away and i know the error of my actions. he was perfect. he is perfect.
I hate to leave you on a sad note but lunch has started and my green&pink LLBean bag is calling my name.
peanut butter xoxo

new theme

im not sure if I like it...I wanted a change, so I changed it, but idk if its for keeps. I could also go to this website and pick one there, like Myspace(eww) themes.
To change, or not to change?


I HAVE A FOLLOWER!!!!!!!!!! yeahh!!!! I wanna do that thing that Kristen Wiig does on SNL as the Target lady, "It's Good!" But I would start laughing too hard so I couldn't do it. So you should all go read:
cuz she's awesome! and deep, geez, I feel really shallow after reading it, especially the want one.
I just had health and we are doing our Drug Presentations. Thus far, all I have learned is this:
Heroin= BAD
Marijuana= BAD
Shrooms= not that bad
LSD= not really bad for you, but the flashbacks are a bitch
Cigarettes= BAD
Ecstasy= BAD-ish

SO....yeah. I love how informative health is. lol
I know it's really REALLY a long time away, but I am SO PUMPED for vacay! Mexico baby!!
So I just realized that I can customize a theme for my Gmail inbox, so Mexico might have some contention for my excitement(because I can only be excited about one thing at a time)
So you know how I showed you a poem last post? Well I have alot of poems and I kinda want to show them to you. So here's one of my favs:

between the devil and the deep blue sea
lies a man with a needle in his heart
when he sleeps he feels her touch
and hears her voice in his head
he cannot remember
any time before her
the cliffs are his safe place
and the clouds protect him
from the devil
and the deep blue sea

I hope y'all like it! (i like saying y'all!) and I hope to see more comments and followers
peanut butter xoxo

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


so in drama we were given the beginning of a sentence and i (of course) made them into a poem. so here goes:

I see the past
I hear your rejections
I wish we were friends again
I am lonely

aaaannnddd SCENE!
so I went to beehive with one of my bffls and now she's eating all my MAYJAH smarties
lame-o is not equal to lmao
and now my bffl is choking.
now she's banging her head against the wall
now she hates me for writing this/that 
now she's excited that it's dark out
she's special
we're working on it
comment nitches!
p.s. nitches is my way of saying biz-nitches
its affectionate
now she's spazzing to WHAM!
now she's choking again
if only nauto had trained me sooner.... *sigh*
this is a long post! maybe I should use the whole line like this and aren't you proud of me for using the whole line????? =D
i gtg
Stay Classy San Diego
peanut butter xoxo 
How are girls staying up until 3 in the morning doing homework? I just finished mine, it took me 20min to complete!!!
idk where THAT came from, but it needed to be said!
REMEMBER: superfluous uses of 'like' are BANNED and use Flabbergasted!! 
And that's the truth.
peanut butter xoxo


what is the point? Do I really need to know the ratio of volume? or area? or sides? I wanna be a public figure/chef of some sort. I don't need to know this stuff! why are we being taught useless junk? fjdseuireir48957e89ro
lol love that website, totally AWESOME. but not as awesome as skillet pizzas(sensing a pattern here?) my geo class is totally especial. My teacher taped our honor prinicple to his torso during our quiz and is now talking in a british accent.
random note: we should get extra credit in english for going to book signings or readings of some sort(and not just cuz i go to those things ALOT)
blah blah blah blah i don't know what to write but I like writing.
the click clack of the keys is strangely soothing in this crazy class of freshman girls. ug
i think it says alot about my life when coloring type completes my life.
i need to do my spanish homework, make notes for my history presentation, and regain my sanity after geometry.
my friends want to read my blog! i lurve Jen-Ay and Rollo
and who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell
peanut butter
p.s. im not keeping a secret about who I am, cuz that would be LAME! Thats just my sign off for this post. L= (Edward's crooked smile, btw)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Okay, this isn't really a realization, just something I needed to say so be prepared for many more posts like this one.

What if you had a friend? And that friend was like...your BEST FRIEND. Then your bff starts hanging out with someone else. I was fine with it at first, but now we never talk and the most interaction we have is the awkward smile in the hallway, when she's bothered to look my way. It pains me to say that our friendship is over, but I desperately want it to not be. She and I had inside jokes, sleepovers on the weekends, and nicknames. But the worst part is when she said that I hurt HER. That was the hardest thing to hear.
I want more skillet pizza, it makes everything better...
I wait for justice in the form of an awesome tee-pee of her house and an egg-celent egging of her house and putting food coloring in her pool. But until then? I have my nitch, and she will have to do.
peanut butter xoxo

10 Things you should/shouldn't do in the next 24 hours:

1. Do- Recycle 20 things!
2. Do- use the word Flabbergasted at least once
3. Do- Master Ka-Ra-Tay!
4. Don't- use the word Retarded...AT ALL
5.  Do- Go buy The Middleman on iTunes! ITS AWESOME
6. Don't- use the word "like" in a superfluous manner, it's challenge I know but TRY!!
7. Don't- Skip Breakfast! It is the most important meal of the day!
8. Do- Read a book! Something more than 100 pages and that has some kind of plot.
9. Don't- Yell at anyone, for any reason, no matter how ignoramus they are!

peanut butter


I was pondering the significance of olive oil on skillet pizzas, when a thought occured to me...why aren't ALL pizzas made in skillets? that is something to be discovered and researched. Then when it is proven I will succeed at making money. Not just money, a shit load of money! 
Wouldn't it be awk. if while babysitting a kid was just all...Where do babies come from?
ummm.... GTG BYEEEE
lol i am so funny...not...it's weird to say that cuz ppl dont usually laugh at my shiz, so when they do I'm all.. WHOAH IM FUNNY
or are they laughing at me...? so I have to check my person to make sure I remembered pants.
well I gtg cuz the SKILLET PIZZAS are ready
Siss, Boom, Bye!
Peanut Butter

anxiety/whatever i think of

I hate it when you get anxious and there's this huge pit in the bottom of your stomach. You wanna commit hari-kari to get rid of it, but then it's still there and you end up looking like the kid in Tropic Thunder. You know? I think i'm supposed to say something like...This is my blog! Read it bitches!!!
but i dont feel like being perky, despite that the Bangles are blaring from my ladybug ipod thingy. Nope, I am all cynical today. Until dinner. We are having these DELISH skillet pizzzas my dad makes. IN A SKILLET!! that means minimal clean-up. that means more time watching AI. and being a loser with my mom singing along. DONT JUDGE
i gtg do homework
ew X2
*whispers* help....meee....
-peanut butter