"When we can no longer dream, we die" -Emma Goldman

Saturday, May 23, 2009


he's back
he's here
what do I do?

is this it? when? where? how?

the big question remains: how DO i feel? I say this, i say that. But what do I feel? But once I know that, where do I go from there?

peanut butter xoxo

Friday, May 22, 2009


So I'm in the newspaper room right now and the partay is PUMPIN'! I'm actually joking, there are three people here, including me. But tonight I'm going to TaySwift so GET EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D Haha I'm such loser! Argh...bored...and thirsty...I can be unthirsty though but being unbored is actually really hard.
The clicking of the mouse as layout is being locked in for Tuesday's issue of the newspaper is suprisingly soothing.
OMG DRAMA! There are four little seniors who got sent home from their class trip for doing naughty things...not raunchy, just narcotic. LOL They won't walk with their class but will instead get their diplomas shipped to them. Poor girles, you were so close to the light at the end of the tunnel that is Marlborough.
Well I have to go lend a helping hand to my email's namesake.
peanut butter xoxo

Thursday, May 21, 2009

We Embrace

The blue haze washes over me
Saying that a part of me dies is too dramatic and
saying that I cried wouldn't be enough to
express the undeniable and unavoidable truth that
you are the one thing that I cannot have.
the unattainable
the unbelievable
the thing I will have to watch walk away, and smile as I do so.
Sometimes support is the best thing in the
world to have. But what happens when you are giving
it to the right person in the wrong circumstances?
I want to be the one standing across from you
not the person standing behind her.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Okay, so that earthquake last night was pretty intense! I was watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and all of a sudden, it starts shaking! I forgot all the stuff I knew about what to do during an earthquake and all I did was sprint upstairs (I was at my friend's house, which has multiple stories). It was super scary! ACK!
peanut butter xoxo

Saturday, May 16, 2009


Have you ever heard something so good, or been so excited for something that your skin tingles and you get these chills? That happened to me the other day. It was amazing! I heard this girl singing a song and for the rest of the day the only thing in my head was her voice, singing that song. That's what I call a singer!

peanut butter xoxo

Friday, May 15, 2009

I'm staring out at the sunset and every nerve in the left side of my body is on fire. I slowly move my hand across the six inches separating us. Our hands touch and he doesn't shy away, good thing, right? His blue eyes flicker across the scene, scanning first my hand on his, then my outfit. Then those shocking blue daggers find mine and all is right. I pull myself closer to him, and his warm arms. He embraces me and puts his forehead to mine. We don't need to kiss, we just can be. Him holding me is all I need.
Then I wake up.
And his face is clear and I know what I need to do. 

Random Gibberish/Babbling that needs to be said

I don't know if I want to know. Or if I even need to know. I just want to say it without being judged or hated on or yelled at. Everyone says that it's okay, but I don't know if I am. Its as if you are taunting me, laughing at me, mocking me with your hair, your smile and your bubbly personality. But I don't know if its what I want. Maybe I do and maybe I don't but right now, I just want to figure it out without all this hassle. The hassle of finding the door handle, of turning the light on and of making room. Or maybe I'm sitting on my bed and there's no problem. What if I'm the boogie man?


Omigod! I totally got an anonymous "I love your blog" today! I feel SO COOL! =P
So, anonymous admirer, I love you too! And this post is dedicated to you!

The ecosystem project the unnecessary and annoying bane of my existence, I have no time to work on it and THIS IS THE LAST FRIDAY OF THE YEAR! WOOHOO!
Did anyone see Greys and The Office last night??
IZZIE! GEORGE! BABY PAM/JIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm dying here! ACK!

Also, if you like my blog, Follow it! You get updates everytime I put up a new post and I feel really cool! Lol
Well it's break and I'm hungry sooo...
peanut butter xoxo

p.s. Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, May 14, 2009


I'm not saying don't be happy: I'm saying don't be happy in front of me. Your elation reminds me of my failure. I don't care if they haze you or kidnap you or make you ring a bell in the principals office. Just don't be happy in front of me, because I WILL breakdown crying. Just like in Drama(thanks for that) and before Drama(Thanks again) and on the bus when I recounted what happened in Drama(you guys are the BEST FRIENDS EVER!). I know you're there for me for everything else(sort of) but I'm gonna not be there for you on this. Because now you have each other, and everyone else who won. You all deserve each other.

It's like a tiger in a steel cage. He eyes the metal that keeps him trapped and tries to get out. So he bites the steel. Then he breaks his tooth and the steel is as unharmed as ever. The steel just sits there, day after day. Tempting him and taunting him and doing nothing but keeping him confined in this hell hole. Then one day It comes along. Whatever It is, it comes along. It may be a person or an activity or family. But It sets the tiger free. The tiger is forever indebted to It and they all live happily ever after. 

Then poachers kill the tiger for its fur and all goes to hell, but up until that point it was all good.

peanut butter xoxo

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sometimes, my heart feels heavy. Like I've done something wrong or like someone hurt me...but I've had a perfectly fine day. What is that? Is is gravity? Because it only happens sometimes...not always...oh geez...this sucks

peanut butter xoxo

Monday, May 11, 2009

SO I'm auditioning for my bfffsss new pilot as a Blair-ish character(she's nicer than blair)
Wish Me LUCK!
peanut butter xoxo

Friday, May 8, 2009

He has no right to say that he means nothing to "them". Because he's everything to me. I will always carry this burden on my back, always be comparing and contrasting. If he just opened his eyes, actually opened them, then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult. He's confusing me, in more ways than one. 
I think he needs glasses...I wonder what his prescription is... probably as blind as it gets, because that's the only thing I'll accept. The only excuse that I will take is that the reason he's ignoring me is because he's blind.  
It's 6:25 in the morning and I am already pissed. I need to write my english paper and my parents decided last night to treat me like a child and take it away. Good God!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Soooo Passe, but...

Being Blair Stealing Boyfriends
SATC Stealing Boyfriends
New AIMs Stealing Boyfriends
Being a good friend Stealing Boyfriends
And Have a Nice Day. =D