There's a legitimacy to who he is. There's no bullshit or fake; just him, for real, right there. Also, it's not like he's plastic or untouchable, suddenly he's real. He's an actual person. A person who's pretty damn awesome. It's weird...really weird... It's not the characters or the director or the humanitarian, it's the person, in an awesome baseball cap and who's talking about stuff I find interesting too! Damn you age difference....

Rant

Everytime I sell someone a pack of cigarettes, I just want to hand it to them and say, "would you like a reciept? no? how about some lung cancer?" I see moms come in there with little kids, buy the kids gum, tell them to go somewhere else in the store and buy cigarettes then hide them in their purse! It's horrible! I don't want those kids exposed to second hand smoke! It kill just as much as smoking a cigarette does. I'm livid about this whole thing. And then there's the kids that come in that are barely 18 (i card, no worries) looking to buy cigs. I'm just like, are you kidding me!??! You're already addicted!?!? Who the fuck has been buying you cigarettes until now?? You're 18 and already you're on the path to DEATH. Its disgusting. What? You don't want to go to war but you'll die a much more painful death here? Fuck you! You do have something to lose, YOUR LIFE! It's not sexy or alluring or anything like that. It's disgusting and revolting. You smell bad, you look like a suicidal MORON and you waste a shit ton of money on them. I want to smack you upside the head everytime you light up, seriously! If I could, I would smack every single smoker upside the head every time they lit a cigarette. GOD DAMNIT! If there's one thing you DONT want to fuck with me about, it's smoking. Mkay? Mkay.

God! I cannot believe all this! I changed it because of the meanness that was coming out of it. I hated that I could never trust what I read to be nice or just sarcasm. I hated that nothing was ever really nice, except for the occasional friend. It made me sick when I realized that this all, my entire heart, emotions and thought process/thoughts were on display for everyone I didn't like to see. So I made a bank vault and shoved everything inside. None of this makes sense. I should go to sleep. Fragglerock....sleeeeeeeeeppppppppppppp
blah

The colors are daring me to understand them
and I'm being beaten down by the mundanity
of the average day and
the 9-5 shotgun held to my head.
the audacity of the stupidity of the people in the world makes me want to
scream until the gun goes boom
the lights go black
the crowd erupts
and the oscar goes to the one with the clear skin
long legs
flat stomach
shiny hair
white teeth.
I'm trying but i'm floating away
Higher and higher
Up and up
Till the gun goes boom

Thoughts of you make my stomach itch
I don't want to be a big bad but I don't want to give in
I hate having to feel icky for being true to myself
I want to cry for everything I've put you through
Everything I've put you through in vain
I miss you
But I don't want to go back
I can only move forward
In a new direction
You will not be forgotten
You will not be lost
You will just be past

my eyelashes are wet with thoughts of red
thoughts of correct
thoughts of sand between my toes.
my pillow is wet with tears
my mind is filled with screams and shadows
the corners are covered in soft with holes
the water is dirty and wrong
i dont feel right
i dont want to move on
i dont want to care
i dont care
i dont want to forget

it's as if nothing will ever be good
like nothing will be happy again
like i'm not the best i can be
like i'm not good enough
like everything is cold and dark and black
and the light bits get smaller and smaller
and then the black punches me in the stomach
and i just curl up and cry
and nothing is okay
and it's all bad
the threads are loose
the scissors are broken
the books have no words
the lights dont turn on
and i'm in the middle of it all