"When we can no longer dream, we die" -Emma Goldman

Friday, April 30, 2010

We're like parallel streets running in opposite directions. We're so utterly the same but we're too busy in our own shit to look up and see the similarities.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


I let the wind chill me
I let it remind me I’m here, not in my head
I let it pull me out of my fantasies and back to harsh realities
I let it dry my tears and whisk away my pain
I let the wind chill me and remind me I’m alive

the man behind the curtain

Literally lost in the shuffle, smack dab in the middle
Under the title, less than the best
Not even close to that.
So far from what I want, but my imagination makes it hard to think.
Rejection turns to disgust turns to fear turns to
turns to
turns to
turns to nightmares
turns to dust
turns to lies my parents told me
turns to shame
turns to a total disconnect of reality
justification of actions becomes irrelevant as we fall apart
as we turn to nightmares
to dust
to lies my parents told me
to shame
falling out of the upside downs and reaching for an imaginary pole to steady the fall
confusion takes control as the clock stops and the only sound that can be heard is the
rrrrrrrrrip of the backdrop as everything

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I hate how you can feel so alone while in a room, surrounded by people.
You can try so hard to be special yet still be not enough, off-key, off-kilter, too much...
I hate that I know that I'm too much, that when I meet new people, they don't see all of me.
Sometimes not even my closest friends see all of me.
Poor little girl, blah blah blah
Things like that don't help, they don't make me get over shit faster
They just make me want to punch you in the face.
You think I'm kidding? Try me.
Oh and all the back-handed insults that are disguised as passing comments?
Shove them up your ass! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
I'm not your punching bag
And bitch, I am certainly not your chew toy.
Leave me alone because guess what?
This is high school and no one gives a flying fuck what you think.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It's a love/hate relationship...mostly the love

I hate the fact that I know it's not real despite all signs telling me it's not.
I despise the looks I get when I talk about it
I loathe the fact that it's the best part of my day
I abhor the disgust in people's voices when they talk about it

I love the truth in it
I adore the romance that I so wish were mine
I can't get enough of the wit, lies and grit

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Shameless Promotion

Totally copying Zee's plan!
SO I auditioned for Glee (yeah, yeah, collective moan, i got it) but I would love it if you all gave me a gold star! If you scroll down on www.myspace.com/gleeauditions and search Phoebe, my video is the one in the far right hand corner w/o a picture. Please watch it and give me a gold star. IDK why I auditioned, partly to say that I had the balls to do it but mostly because I really wanna be on Glee...yeah.
Thanks guys!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I cannot look
I cannot speak
then it is real
not just some sick joke, or a joke told at the worst possible time.
It is not true, it is a lie
STOP IT I don't want to hear it.
I dont' want to hear you
I don't want to see you
I just want to sit in silence and in the dark.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Rent had it right

When something is defective you return it
When something is broken you fix it
Return or fix
maybe with some Krazy Glue
I can't be returned
or fixed
and Krazy Glue just makes me stick to myself.
I am me.
Just me.
Nobody particularly special
Just me.
I can't change
I won't change
I am me

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

It's bitter and brown and dark and desolate.
It's dank and wet and hollow and blank.
It's old and new and perfect and lovely.
And I don't want to leave.
I cannot stop, nor do I want to.
I feel empty yet full.
I am incomplete but surrounded.
Why do things have to be this way? Why can't they change? Why do people have to be so stupid?
My chest hurts and my lips tingle.
My throat is dry and I clutch at her.
I cannot breathe so I gasp but it turns into an abandoned cry.
This is the line I must cross but it burns to touch it.
These are the shattered lies that the lights illuminate and reality couldn't get past the bouncer but the truth is having a drink at the bar and deceit is hooking up with some random skank in the bathroom.
This is the life we all must live. This is the fault we all must face. These are the twisted symphonies we must listen to. We read our teleprompters every day and they tell us when to smile, when to laugh and when to be quiet. We follow routine and speak only when we really really have to.
The snow keeps falling, the sun keeps rising and the tides keep changing. The world goes on around us while we fall apart. Our screams are heard by no one and no one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.

and then you die.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I don't have that many words but:

I fucking did it. I DID IT! It's no longer a fantasy or an ideal, its a reality!! I cannot wait for it all. It's like Bad Romance, I love it so much that I can't wait for all of it. For the bad stuff, for the good stuff, for everything! It's going to be incredible! GAH!!!!!!