New Years Eve

So am I the only person who doesn't feel the need to go out and partay? I'm just fine chilling with my rents and watching Christmas Movies. Or bad horror films. Seriously! I'm gonna stay up till midnight, probably later, doing nothing. And I'm okay with that.
FB Bumper Sticker Quote:
Sometimes when I say "oh I'm fine" I want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell the truth".

That's so true...

Happy New Years! Only two more years till the end of the world, so live it up!
xo
pb

Duct Tape

Have you ever seen a teeny tiny mallet? Now imagine that same mallet smashing a huge glass structure.
It takes time to destroy it but
eventually the glass cracks.
It is at this point that paradigms shift.
The image seen through the glass is no longer clear and it doesn't make sense anymore.
The mallet doesn't stop and pieces of the glass start to fall off.
Now I can see through the glass, it can't protect its secrets anymore.
I try to tape the pieces back in but the mallet keeps hammering
and everything is falling apart and the fucking mallet won't stop.
The tape makes everything look ugly and everyone knows that something bad happened
because everyone can see the tape.
And thats worse than a thousand mallets.

Pangs

Somethings just make sense. like pizza. It's simple, it's delish, its awesome. case closed.
but somethings make no sense. feelings and whatnot.
Do I miss YOU or the times we had together? I don't miss the lies, thats for sure. They were what drove me away but I still don't know if i really miss you or what i'm feeling is stupid and invalid because I don't actually miss you. I'm just pining.

update!

hey guys! so I did make a tumblr but this is still going to be my primary blog. the url, it you want to check it out, is www.rawritsphoebe.tumblr.com =D have a great new years eve (I know I will!). I'm going Go Karting (get the ice pack ready!) and then to dinner at Cafe Pierre with my family and the Sampsons! =P. I can't wait to go back to school and get FROZEN YOGURT FROM OUR NEW FROZEN YOGURT MACHINE! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! GAHHHHHHH!
Okay, i gtg watch RuPaul's Drag Race.
<3
peanut butter

changing from rose to globe

everything falls together and all the dead roots slant in the same direction, like a crooked politician.
the color is an ashy brown; dead; barren; never to be fruitful
many things never come to fruition
but few can ever hurt me.
just a few have ever been banished
and the rest make no sense.
few can hurt me and they do, all the time.
this one has no shape, no form, no mold
therefore i know not if it is benign or malignant and i fear i shall never know for
without the form i can never know
and while i am supposed to be able to tolerate the state of not knowing
this is too unbearable and i know not what to do.

Chain Link Fence

You say it and I will do it.
You want it and I have it before you can say it.
You put your hand out and I will take it and follow you to the ends of the earth.
Nothing can stop me from loving you
Nothing can stop me from wanting you.
Like a chain link fence, we twist and twine
Fixed together twixt the mess of life.

Crumbling Castles

I got all these knots in my stomach and a huge nerdy smile broke out on my face.
I can't believe it, even now.
I feel like nothing can stop me now, like nothing can touch me.
SOMEONE cares about me, so everything is finally falling into place.

pain

everything just kind of pools together into one blob
I don't know whats in it, but its just there...
Nothing makes sense and nothing is distinguished.
A heavy heart makes for a heavy head.
or is it the other way around?
Regardless, where it is heavy, it hurts.
So I hurt, and i cry, and I hurt some more.

A Serious Case of the Tuesdays.

I'm in one of those states
where I don't want to move
or breathe.
I cried today.
I don't want to go tomorrow, but I have to.
Because it will make me a big girl.
I need to feel something.
I'm not making sense and I have a song stuck in my head.
I laughed today.
I feel like crying right now, but I just want to see white
and ponder things.
Lately I've been looking at the little things
and planning out the big ones.
I can't seem to pay attention
when people are talking to me because I
keep looking at the way the light hits
that spoon.
Nothing makes serious sense right now,
not even me.

Avatar

So I'm not going to put out any plot spoilers in this blog, I will save those for another post but, THIS MOVIE WAS SO FREAKING GOOD OMIFREAKING GOD!!!!!! James Cameron has changed the way I will see movies, literally. I walked out of that movie with Shoe and we (mostly me, but still) were freaking out. From the score, to the acting, to the plot itself, it was probably one of the best movies I have ever seen. I know I use that term wayyy to liberally, but i Promise that this is the best movie of the year, by far. It should win an Oscar. That's how good it is. I'm still in that blissed-out movie state. So you should all go see it then report back to me so we can FREAK OUT. And, if you do go see it, see it in IMAX 3D. Without that experience, it's just not even close to the same. The colors are brighter and the action is more intense. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

Copperboom!
peanut butter xoxo

Who I Am

I'm the girl who laughs way too loud and whose socks will never, ever match.
I'm the girl who hates her braces and obsesses over boys.
I love the stage and the nauseous/OMIGOD feeling during the curtain call after a show.
I want to travel the world and eat McDonalds in Paris, just to be an arrogant American.
I can't wait for college, though life without my friends will leave me a wreck.
I put together whole outfits in my head then realize that I can't afford any of it.
I get this jittery feeling when I'm really, REALLY excited about something and all I can do is scream.
I can't really sing, but I do it anyway because all the notes sound right in my head.
I love you all.

xo, pb

Song Lyrics/Update

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, we're throwing the fight
But I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe, in us.

Wings wouldn't help you
Wings wouldn't help you...down
Down fills the ground, gravity's proud

December is darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right
While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night
Calendar girl who's in love with the world Stay alive


UPDATE: I'm thinking of moving my blog to tumblr. They have way more themes over there and it looks way easier to use. Idk...i'll let y'all know first. =)

Nonsensical Rainbows

forsake the temporary
the fake
the faux
the fad
the thing that isn't going to last.
Look for the long-lasting
the thing that will stay with you
through thick and thin.
Your bff, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your soulmate.
some common factor through out all this...mess
we call life.
that thing will keep you grounded and keep you
sane and keep you from killing someone (maybe yourself)
when times get tough.
look for that
and then the rainbows will make sense.

I see it all around
I see movies, pictures, people
I hear songs about it, songs with it
Everyone seems to have it... but me.
I could have it, but I don't have it.
I don't know why, but I just don't.
It defines people, it makes them irrational
It makes them do crazy things
And everyone has it, but me.

untitled

They're like little parts of myself. You can't see them and they aren't part of my physical appearance. They belong to my core. They are more important than my mouth, hands, heart. Without them I'm not whole or complete and I'm like a Connect Four board without the pieces put in. Emmerson or Thoreau might frown upon such a dependence, but I'm honest about what everybody is feeling. Just because you hide it doesn't make me less of a person for being upfront about it.

A Couple of Things...

1)If I say anything, the shit will royally hit the fan. But I want to! I just can't.

2) I always have these moments when I see something, or say something, or something happens and I just start writing a poem in my head. Those are usually the good ones, but I never write them down and then they just fitter away. *sigh*

3)Sooo...history class? IS A JOKE! We've had one test so far and as long as you talk and show the same views as him, you're kinda doing really well. That's really all it takes. And I LOVE IT! It's balances out my grade in Bio(ewwww!).

4) So Christmas is coming up! GET EXCITED FOR A RECESSION HOLIDAY! That means old newspapers as wrapping paper, no more name-brand toys (Hello Shmarbie!), and Santa only gets two (COUNT 'EM!) cookies. Speaking of Santa *SPOILER ALERT* He doesn't exist. I should have figured that out as soon as my parents told my brother and I that Santa didn't actually want milk, he wanted a Corona w/lime. And the reindeers didn't want carrots! They wanted a burger. That should have tipped me off. But I actually found out when my mother was using a purse that the Easter Bunny had given me and I accused her of stealing. She informed that that, in fact, she had purchased it in Chinatown. I then made the connection and was sufficiently upset for the rest of the day. =*(
Oh well!

Copperboom!
peanut butter xox

Black as night

An inky black night
swallowed up by tears
pouring out of her eyes.
She cries because she is alone,
and she is alone because no one knows
who she really is.
She hides in the corner, hoping no one will ask her
if she is okay.
So for the rest of the day she smiles, so no one will ask her
if she is okay.
She hides secrets
and asks questions
that lead to a nowhere
as dark as the inky black night.
Her tears get washed away by the shower
only to be replaced by new tears, caused by a new sorrow.
She cries in vain, and her pain will never be heard.
Her tears will never dry and will always be renewed.
There is nothing to console her, nothing to answer her questions.
Just sorrow
that gets swallowed up by the inky black night.

Without you...nothing

I miss those days when I could tell you everything
When your smile meant I was free
When I could say stuff without feeling stupid
I don't miss you
Just the feelings you brought.
You are a storm of destruction
worse than every hurricane, tornado or earthquake
ever to grace the earth.
You cause tears, pain and heartache.
Without you I am worlds away
without all the pain you caused
the tears you caused
and the heartache I had to overcome.
Goodbye forever.