i'm grasping at straws and trying to figure out what makes me
not nearly as good as her.
I try so hard, so hard. I smile when I'm supposed to, laugh at just the right level.
Wear my cutest clothes, say the right things, act normal.
I'm working my ass off to get noticed, to get appreciated, to be liked.
But all I'm getting is bad feelings when I can't fall asleep
Tears in my eyes when I least expect it
Lies about why I can't focus
And an urge to just hide away till it goes away.
This doesnt make sense, this grasping at straws
I want to know what to do, how to proceed, how to live normally!
How to not fret over every punctuation mark, capitalization and word that is sent either way
How to not think of your face whenever I close my eyes
How to breathe, just...breathe, calmly, and without hesitation