it hurts so much to not be at the top of the list
to not be as prized as the next one
to have this feeling in my stomach and know its going nowhere
to have these images of the could-have-been swimming through my head
to go to sleep at night and wonder why i'm not there
I just want to be okay. Why is that such a hard task?
Why is okay a task at all?
Shouldn't okay be the worst possible?
Shouldn't I want to be GREAT? Not okay?
To hold myself and know nothing's going to get better
To know that first high can never be reached again
and everything else after that is a waste of money
waste of time
and feeding an addiction
that I don't want to kick
you're the worst habit i've ever had
but darlin, you're the best