I remember when I cared
I remember when lavender lies didn't hurt quite so much
I remember when the words could tumble out of my mouth and I could just let them fall
Now i have to pull them back, like I'm slurping soup.
Now those words hurt to say; they cut my tongue.
Now nothing makes sense and even when I'm surrounded I'm alone.
Now when I leave, there's no caring, no glancing, no inkling of anything resembling a look.
I remember when it mattered
I remember when I wasn't lying to myself to keep the tears at bay
I remember when it didn't hurt
I remember when my life wasn't grey with waxy undertones
I remember when there were no hypocrites in my life
I remember when I could talk without feeling like everything I was saying was wrong.
I remember when I knew what the hell I was feeling and that was fine.
Now I'm lost within myself and loneliness is a vice
Now every syllable is wrong, false, a mistake
Now no one is truthing, just lying.
Now everything is dull, lackluster and without color.
Now the only thing that stops me from crying is the lie that no, really, I'm fine.
Now nothing matters.