"When we can no longer dream, we die" -Emma Goldman

Thursday, February 26, 2009

ruins

I don't get it. Sometimes she's nice and sometimes it all just falls apart. Sometimes she sits next to me, out of everyone in the class she chooses inconsequential, annoying me. And other times she yells at me when I offer her comfort. I might not be her best friend, but I'm always there, no questions asked. All I want is some kind of friendship. I don't want to be completely shut out and ignored because I've been there before and that was a low point, I don't want to go back there. Now that the poison(a.k.a. HER) is gone, I have a chance at a friendship. I wasn't blown off and she actually seems to like me as more than an annoying and inconsequential classmate. I miss the times when we would spend hours together, just talking. Or when we would go to her house after finals and go swimming and laugh together and make waffles and go see Jim Sturgess movies. I can even pinpoint the beginning of the unraveling. That's how much time I've spent thinking about this. We went to Century City and I didn't want to hang out with them because they weren't(and still aren't) my friends. She did. I still beat myself up over not just hanging out with them. I might still be friends with her. I feel sad when I think about our friendship and how we are just acquaintances now, if not just classmates. And then she has the nerve to go and say that we BOTH hurt eachother. REALLY? I did nothing! I got dumped, fair and square. Maybe if I had done something differently or been nicer, or not as clingy we would still be friends. Did you know I cut myself the first time I realized that she wasn't friends with me anymore? I don't anymore, but that's how much it hurt. 
I miss her...

1 comment: